As many of you may already know, the planet Mercury went into retrograde (this past Thanksgiving) on November 24, 2011 and went direct this past Wednesday December 14, 2011.
So, essentially, the planet that rules travel & communication was orbiting backwards for a good three weeks.
As a result virtually anything connected to communication (ie: electronics, the written word, spoken word, transportion, etc) may have posed a challenge for us.
And of course this involves interpersonal relationships.
Still, most retrogrades don't seem to bother me much.
Sure, verbal & written communication may become a little shotty and electronics may begin to act friggin insane by beeping uncontrollably, but other than that, I'm usually okay.
This retrograde was a completely different story.
About a week before it actually hit, I began to feel these huge waves of depression and sadness that seemed to only intensify as it got closer to Thanksgiving.
Since I'm not much of a holiday person anyway, the sadness surprised me.
Suddenly suppressed emotions & past relationships began to make their way to the surface.
I wanted to ignore them, disregard the sinking feeling in my stomach and pretend that they no longer existed.
Or perhaps I simply wanted reprieve from the unbearable pain I was feeling; a bone wrenching ache that would not go away and begged for my simple recognition.
Something inside of me wanted out; needed to express how she was feeling.
In that emotional state, my memory drifted back to a past relationship. It ended a few weeks before the retrograde, and deep down I knew the split was for the best.
Still, I was peeved by the way this person treated me; seemingly disregarding my feelings & humanity.
So, nearly a month later I decided to write him a letter, smack dab in the middle of Mercury's planetary excursion.
I spoke honestly and truthfully about how I felt, and while the letter itself may not have appeared angry I was definitely brimming with rage and indignation as I completed it.
My spirit guide gently suggested that I refrain from sending anything his way, but since I was also angry with her, I ignored the warning.
A few days later I received a response from him that confirmed her concerns: he did not feel that he had done anything wrong & wouldn't accept reponsibility for the way he treated me.
So, instead of feeling better. I actually felt worse.
It didn't help that I directed anger his way either, because when he wouldn't receive it the emotion bounced right back in my lap; begging me to deal with her.
Perhaps, you're thinking that at this point I'd stop, regroup, and allow myself to actually feel the emotion?
Oh no. The hot mess gets even hotter.
After the fiasco with my former flame I then became embroiled in a shouting match with a woman at a local portrait studio.
I had taken pictures (during the retrograde) and received a portrait CD (during the retrograde) from the studio that could not be used for it's intended purposes (during the retrograde.) Therefore, I wanted a refund.
When she refused I let it rip, left an unintelligible message with the district manager, and ended my tyrade with "happy holidays."
Now at this point you might be saying, "this woman is a spiritual medium and she's acting like this?"
My thoughts exactly.
The bottom line is this when we don't deal with what hurts us and allow ourselves to truly feel and express the emotion , chances are it will bubble to the surface when we least expect.
Since Mercury rules communication, that also involves communication & honesty with one's self.
Since I wouldn't allow myself to feel the pain of rejection and extend forgivness to the person I was dating (during the relationship) it popped up in the retrograde.
Looking back, it was clear that I refused to accept that I felt ignored, devalued, and unsupported, not only in the relationship but in life by many people who claimed to love me.
My spirit was begging to be heard and help me heal.
Still, she needed my support, and I was nowhere to be found.
In my funk of hot-messness I reached out to a close personal friend, who is also a spiritual medium.
I actually felt some apprehension about admitting that I needed help and thus could no longer appear perfect: 0 ) but eventually I sucked it up and told her my plight.
She gently suggested that I get quiet again and listen to my spirit, no matter what.
So I that's exactly what did.
And here's what I got:
Here's an exercise that my guides led me through (once we were back on speaking terms) for Forgivness & Healing:
1) Begin by surrounding yourself with a healing white light. (This is the light of protection & the spirit of our creator.)
2) Now call on your spiritual team of guides, angels, healers, and teachers.
3) Affirm that what you are about to do will be healing for both yourself and the person involved.
4) Now, close your eyes and breath in deeply.
5) Allow whatever emotions you feel to come to the surface. (If you need to cry do so. If you need to scream, get crackin on that too)
6) Now picture the person you need to forgive in your minds eye & surround them with a protective white light (kind of like a day dream).
7) Gently ask yourself "where in my body am I losing energy? where in my body might these emotions be lodged?)
8) Guide your cupped hands to the part of your body that seems to hold the emotion and is connected to this person (You many find energy lodged in several places-treat them all) and send white light to the area, dissolving all the pain.
9) Once this is completed say the person's name aloud and affirm : "You have no more power over me and I have no more power over you. I forgive you and I release you (from my life**if this phrase feels right to you say it, if not simply say "i release you"**). Any energy that you have taken from me, I now call back into my body. Any energy that I have taken from you, I now send back to your body. I affirm that your team of guides and angels will heal your energetic field as well. We are now complete. I send you love & peace and so it is amen!"
Remember intention is everything.
What you focus on is what you will experience.
So fall into the arms of love and express each and every emotion with gratitude, even if it may feel like a struggle.
You are unfolding beautifuly.
Continue to walk your path with honesty & integrity; relishing the joy of this human experience and the thrilling emotions that make life worth living.
You are a star being & a miracle child with wings.
Never forget to shine your light: 0 )
**Some elements of the healing exercise were created using the teachings of Echo Bodine & Louise Hay**
**For more info visit: www.echobodine.comor www.hayhouse.com
ABOUT THE BLOGGA
Nicole Bowman is an artist, intuitive, and student of life. She is a spiritual medium who gives readings for the soul that healp unearth your authentic voice & live your personal truth.
Nicole is also the host of Live the Light, a global radio show on the Blog Talk Network.
For more information & to listen live visit: www.blogtalkradio.com/livethelight
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