Posted by Nicole Bowman on Saturday, October 22, 2011
I've often wondered why we as human beings take kindness for weakness. When a person politely declines by saying no why is that an invitation for negotiation?

I recently had the experience of being approached by a gentleman who invited me out on several occasions. Each time I declined and left it at that.

As I began to run into him more frequently in passing it became clear that he simply was not taking no for an answer.

With this in mind I began to run through the checklist in my head.

Did I explain to him that I simply was not interested? Yes.

Did I tell him that I had no desire to date him? Yes

Did I tell him after repeated attempts that I was not attracted to him? Oh yes!

Did I keep the conversations quick, clear, and to the point? Ummmm....yeah!

So why did he persist?

It's funny because the movies call this behavior romantic. I call it creepy, controlling, and stalker-esque.

With each encounter he became more and more insistent that we should have a relationship & I should like it!

Conversly, I became more and more insistent that he should find a good twelve step meeting and a stable sponsor.

Eventually he came to understand that I was serious & backed off.

But in all honesty, what gives?

Why was there a desperate need to control another human being  when his own life was clearly not shaping up the way he wanted?

I then I began to branch out a bit more and ask...

Why can't we as a people honor the choices & wishes of our fellow human beings without trying to assert an agenda on the basis of sex and gender?

Perhaps this blog offers more questions than answers, but I certaintly feel that it's a great jumping off point!

I believe we are all God incarnate; blessed with the gift of sovereignty.

Maybe we can stop viewing eachother as nameless, faceless objects of gratification and begin to see the divinity in every living thing...maybe we can honor the choices of others regardless of whether or not we agree...

When a person says no that is not grounds for compromise. The conversation is over.

Luckily the "potential suitor" is no longer a permanent fixture in my life.

Still, I feel that we must allow others to experience freedom  if we want to do the same.

Sadly, he did not.

My hope is that one day he'll understand and stop trying to impose his will above all others, but I am certainly not interested in trying to stick around to see it!



I view this blog as a way to connect with others and share experiences. In it, I reflect on acting, life, and the process of creation. I believe we are on this planet to love one another and stretch our souls a bit. So give a little love away today. You'll be glad that you did. Want to Connect with me? Visit my readings page & schedule a session. I look forward to working with you soon!
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